Dog chasing tail

Image taken from google.

I really hate this kind of situation. You keep doing the same thing thinking you're progressing but actually you are going nowhere.

It's like same chocolate with different wrapper.

I heard the phrase 'same shit different day' back in my school time but nowaday it is like 'same shit everyday'.

My mind getting numb trying to digest and internalize all the craps that is being fed. How I wish I can walk out the door and tell goodbye to the system which I was getting embedded in deeper and deeper by day.

There is so much to life and I don't want to spend my life and realize it until too late that there is so much to life other than waking up early go to work eat sleep make love told to be grateful and delaying your gratification, saying to yourself it's not for you while everyone else is taking what they want.

This morning I saw the new S-Class (S500 to be exact). I reproduce it here for the benefit of ones who don't have any idea how it looks.

What a lovely piece of sheet metal (image for google).

And how rich we Malaysian can be (I was driving in Telok Panglima Garang some more, not some high income tycoon area).

If you see that one pass you by, what will you think? Can you ever have it (if you want it)? And if not why?

And what is that that is stopping you? It always puzzles me when people want something but they never work for it (or do things that will lead them to it).

That don't want to be salaried worker but they kept increase their spending, no investing, don't want to learn business, etc2 things that can make them free. But they clamor for the idea of not working. In the end they work for their entire life and before they know it is already too late...

The gift of life

I never know it will be on this day when i woke up this morning. Nor do I know it when i drove to work, or attending the Friday prayer. Not a hunch, neither do it ever cross my mind.

But it happens when it happens...

Those two lines...though static, is...something. It tells you something. It tells you of things to come.  Who you will become. In instance it divide your life into two...prior and after you've seen it.

I know I've to change. Things won't be the same and I shouldn't be. 

To my dear wife, thank you..for everything and we'll go through this journey together, hand in hand and step by step.

Am I happy? Or suprised? I don't know now...I'm just grateful to be given this gift of life. Alhamdulillah and may everything is blessed...

suicide direction part I

He seats in his cubicle, staring at the computer screen. His gaze far reaching into the oblivion and beyond. The screen displayed the half finished report. His hand on the keyboard is writing gibberish. Somewhere in his mind, he got lost. Or stuck. Possibly both.

"This train of thought is going nowhere," he said to himself. Little did he know that he is no longer the master of his thoughts, and the 'train' now is taking him everywhere. He is going for a joy ride. Or sorrow ride. Possibly both.

The matter is, you are what you are made of inside. Inside, he is hollow. Now he is nothing more than part of the system. Or slave. Possibly both.

His soul lies somewhere in the passage of time. Back during the day when he was happily spending time in the cyber cafe, shooting off terrorist. Or counter terrorist. Possiby both.

No regret. No problem. But he was satisfied. Or contented. Possibly both.

He is tired. He just want to sleep. Or die. Possibly both.

On the positive note, maybe he just wish that his old self dead. Because nobody want to die, right?Or living his life soulless. Definitely, both.

*it's 530 already, so good to be going home to the one dear to you ;)

48 odd hours into 2013

I'm at kulai town today for works. two nursery visits; one for the audit and the other one for culling. i traveled yesterday from carey island about noon, arrived at kulaijaya exit about 330 pm and then got lost a bit in the small town of kulai to find kulai (obviously) estate.

during the search, i drove all the way to ioi mall (the other ioi mall) and into some sort of upmarket residential area. guess in kulai the real estate is not that bad though. saw this one ads for terraced house 18x70 selling for 182K. not bad.

finally reached estate nearing 430 but the sky is already dark. in fact it's raining cats and dogs by the time i left. the nursery is in kelan division which is quite interior with a small road leading to the AP post. the road is quite bad; in fact i checked with the assistant to be certain on the road.

My drove down here is so so. I drove a little bit worn out hilux...basically due to heavy usage but insufficient care. but anyway it served its purpose.

i stayed in this d'sayang hotel...not the most luxurious but this is kulai...the room a bit like banting's garden hotel. its new, the mattress still firm though. the rate is 88-special offer. and its beside tesco.

got a ktv at the top floor...the sound could be heard in my room till late. hotel guest got a 30% discount voucher. too bad i'm not in the mood for some vocal workout.

tomorrow morning i'll leave for seri pulai estate for the final culling...about < 10k seedlings to be assessed. -yawn-. anyway i'll jump into other car tomorrow, a ford ranger. the job won't be too long i supposed; should be back by noon.

so that's it..travelling on the first day of 2013. sure'll be many more to come for this year.

as of today

tonight i'm gonna whine.

2 reports pending. secretary for meeting tomorrow. house on construction-no electricity and water yet. current rent house-stuff still not packed. grasses in the lawn seems to be taller by inches a day. back lawn looks like avatar's shooting area (extra size banana tree anyone?). i saw spider much like tarantula last 2-3 days in the house. still not bought the stove, fridge, washing machine etc yet.

wedding card still not completed. my ring not finished. my suit not finished. just got glass bowl for the door gift. kuantan-banting-muar-banting-kluang-nilai-banting in 4 days. hm...what else ya...

marking for student papers still not finished. extra one report for yesterday visit. data migration for 7 estates not completed. Mplan coming. trial still not kicked off. furniture for the house. photographer during the wedding.

sometime i feel exhausted. but i kinda like it. have something to do and not doing it is much better feeling than have nothing to do. just like how u slept in the dorm when there's class during college years is more satisfying then when u actually have no class.

but...if ever u feel stuck with the stuff, before u start blaming everything under the sun, take a step back and see what's going on. shit happens only if u allow it. all the issue roots from yourself.

freedom to think

I've just checking some of the political blogs that i frequented; chedet, rockybru, helen ang, jebat must die, outsyed the box...to name a few. they're somehow more leaned to BN. lot of issues i read...the best part is checking on the comments posted by their dear readers.

for chedet, which is Tun Dr. Mahathir's blog, you can see that we Malaysians are so full of intellectual (pun intended). haha. quite a heaty discussion there among the regulars...and i can't help but to feel that they somehow want to show how knowledgeable they are with the facts, figures, suggestions, debate etc...i wonder if Tun ever read the comments. anyway Tun's pieces is thought provoking and simple enough to deliver his message.

another highlight is at helen ang's blog. i quite enjoyed reading her material considering the simple writing style and interesting takes on issues highlighted. recently she seems to be bashing DAP quite frequently...giving me some food for thoughts. and on his comments, it's interesting that whenever she wrote something quite unfavorable about DAP, some nasty and abusive comments surely will come out.

i don't know if this is how they run politics nowadays. not that i'm old, but i always believe the adage that how you act; the way  you talk, your words, your writing etc shows what you're inside. and seeing the comments...make me sick to think that this is our voters. harsh words, abusive remarks are aplenty. more interesting comments are in Malaysia Kini...gone are the days of sopan santun and wisdom in words. foul words instead are in abundance.

some comments are far from being constructive. some are downward humiliating. i don't know what kind of sick people who wrote those stuff. i don't even have a heart to read...and these are our fellow Malaysian. at least if you want to take a man down and put your idolised leader up, might as well do it in style.

L.a.z.i.n.e.

15th March 2012.1455.At the office.
I'm too lazy to finish the title.


Why do today what you can do tomorrow?

Tomorrow is where all your spirits are, where all your dreams reigned, where you will become a better man, eat more veggies, stop smoking and stop taking sugar, stop surfing the net during office hour...start saving your money, where all your motivation stored...and as of today just enjoy your sweet time cause you know you'll be a changed men tomorrow.

Except that when you wake up tomorrow's morning it's today again...ha.

"U mad, bro?"

Work is a friend

Apparently today I got a hell of work to do...to clear up my back logs fom way back when. My department is undergoing restructure, just after a year of 'new structure'. Weird. New people come in, new way of thinking. I don't even know what's right anymore.

Anyway, since that my mind is quite preoccupied with work all day long, I would like to share with you my dear readers, a short poem written by none others, the esteemed, Mr. John D. Rockerfeller...-enjoy-

"....I was early taught to work as well as play,
My life has been one long, happy holiday;

Full of work and full of play-

I dropped the worry on the way-

And God was good to me everyday."

                                                J.D.Rockerfeller



emosi

Saban hari aku merenung diri dan sekeliling. Persekitaranku tak banyak berubah, tak seiring dengan beralihnya waktu. Ruangku beku, kaku, membatu. Aku tersekat di tempat ku berdiri. Masa depan dan masa lalu terhenti seketika disaat ini, mengkirakan kemana arah tujuan seterusnya.

Aku bosan sebenarnya. Bosan dan malas. Adakah itu sesuatu yang buruk. Aku tak ingin lagi cuba merubah diriku menjadi rajin, mengikut pandangan majoriti. Perubahannya tak akan kekal. Ahh! Bosan. Bosan. Bosan. Jalan hidup yang mendatar membuatku mengantuk. Kukira ku boleh tidur dari Jumaat ke Ahad.

Aku bukanlah seorang adventur tapi entah kenapa aku rasa resah. Ada sesuatu yang meragut passion ku. Terasa berat kaki ini untuk melangkah seolah diikat bebola besi. Kedengaran seperti omongan kosong. Biarlah, aku juga perlukan ruang ekspresi.

Sistem meragut impianku. Fikiranku dibatasi normaliti. Kehendak duniawai mengatasi keperluan rohani. Free choice is an illusion. More and more we are succumbing to the system. Semakin hari kita semakin sama. Pilihanku dibentuk kehendak sekeliling. Tindakanku diatur keadaan semasa. Fikiranku mengikut media massa. Aku...hanyalah interpretasi kepada normaliti ruang dan masa sekarang.

Aku yang hakiki hanya wujud didalam mimpi. Mungkin sebab itu aku suka tidur.

d.r.i.v.e

i drove with the window down
feels the wind brushing on my face
my hand holding a cig'
i just don't give a damn

it's just the feeling u love the most
when you are traveling from A to B
anything in between just don't matter
a moment cut out from your life

you had a chat inside your mind
seeing your life from outside the line
your dreams stretched with the road in front
that takes you where ever you want

it comes to an abrupt end
when u finally reach your destination
later, my friend
as u turn the key and stop the ignition.

Malaysian Po(pular)litics

Politic is all about popularity, and to quote words from someone I dear; "it's all about winning people's heart".

I'm not a politician, and not planning to be. But I do occasionally observe and follow our current political scenario and for me, rather than winning people's heart, our scene is more likely championing people's hatred and resentment; with party's using negative and sometime sensitive issue to achieve their political agenda. They're not interested to serve the people, instead they use them to gain power. Do you think they really care about the grassroot's well-being? Unless it gave them profit, sorry, but I have my doubt.

Ok-lah, lets tone down a bit. Basically our political circus consist of 2 'troupe', the BN coalition (ruling) and Opposition (PAS, DAP, KeADILan, etc.). I'm not describing PKR-Pakatan Rakyat as the whole opposition as BN for the ruling cos for me, they are what I'll call 'conditional coalition', coalition based on current situation, needs, and advantages. Within themselves they still haven't sorted out their beef. 

Too many leaders are in the party, and still they don't have the mutual understanding. If say they succeeded in taking over the parliament, who you think will be the PM? 

Might be Dato' Seri Anwar, but are DAP and PAS just gonna sit and watch...more interesting if they hold more seats..and if PAS hold the power, is DAP going to agree with the 'Negara Islam' policies by PAS...and are we ready to be liberalized like our neighbor Singapore if DAP hold the power.

Not to say that I'm a hardcore BN supporter...they do have their weaknesses and they're not perfect. Nothing is perfect. Even gold is only 99.999 purity. It's how we tolerate the imperfection. 

For me, as a general citizen living under BN government the whole of my life...they are the only one balanced coalition I can think of. They might swayed sometimes, but still moving within the same path.

Corruption, scandals, do you bet that if the Opposition hold the power there will be no more of these things? It's still there, just the culprits will be different. Checking on the track records, I'll rather have known enemies than backstabbing friends.

30 minutes too long

Today i got NBTD (nothing better to do). Ouch, that acronym remind me of a Counter-Strike group that I heard was good back then (back then is a long time ago). Hm...I'm lazy today.Not that before this I'm not, just that today i got nothing much going on. Just completed my report yesterday after a month of the visit...that is going to hurt my KPI haha. So today I just pretending being busy while in fact I just doing no work related job, really.

my work station...sometime used for day dreaming

Ahh...the day almost over...want to go home!!

shadow

shadow is our past
silently be with us
try to run from it
is trying to run from yourself

u might hate it
and try to keep the light away
leaving yourself in darkness

it can't harm u
yet it can haunt u

embrace it
coz nobody can move on
by following their shadows.

JOB - Just Over Broke

How many of you wish you don't have to do anything, yet your income keep coming in?Almost all, I bet. Yet the idea of doing nothing is not as attractive as it might sound. You see, human have this internal feeling of doing sumthing, to have a sense of objective and goals to be achieved. We can't stand to be idle.

The basic flow of human life in this modern world is basically like this:

Birth--->Schooling years--->Working years--->Retirement years--->End

Along the way we get married, get children and granchildren...and all sort of things.

The thing is, too many of us have rigidly subscribed to this dogma of life. Child were emphasized,more often over emphasized to get good grades during their schooling years. Following that, the pressure to get a post in well established company...and cling to it until retirement. We talk about job security, benefits, climbing the corporate ladder,etc,etc.

We've been trained to this dogma and hardly to challenge it. Nowadays however, more and more 'rebels' has ventured into the unconventional road of life. I'm talking about materials, anyway. Today you can be a billionaire while merely finishing your school years. Period taken to amass millions of dollars seems to be getting shorter and shorter.

Whoever don't embrace this oppurtunity will be left behind. Sure, not all will get to the finish line, and there is just so much trophy to be given. It's a race, anyway.

The unrecorded day

Yesterday will be a missing history in my life. Why is it so? Because I sleep all day.Yup, the whole 24 hours..literally. This is my greatest achievement so far in the field of sleeping.

Why do I did it, there's no real reason really. I just feel the need to cut off from reality for a little while. It's been overwhelming this few days, my body is aching, and I've been thinking too much of all things (from the issues of Interlok novel to Amanah Hartanah Bumiputra to current affair of Tunisia to my grassy lawn etc2). It feel's good that I can shut it off for a little while and come back to look for it with a new perspective.

There's no side effect really...just some missed calls and messages on your hp that need to be attended to when you wake up. Maybe a little fight with your gf (if you had one).

Now I feel kinda dizzy...bit of hangover and jet lag...and still try to make sense of the day... -yawn-

met a four

If life was a ship, then every man is a captain…sailing through the sea of life. The sea’s sometimes calm; the other time it’s hurricane and tempest. Whoever handles it well, he’ll get where he wants…those who don’t, continue their journey with broken ship and doubts against himself. It’s more than a journey, it is destiny. And every man controls their own destiny.

The sea will forever, continuously push the ship. The ship needs it as it will make the ship stronger, faster and as a challenge to the captain’s skill. Some man has clear idea where he was heading. Some just let the sea lead him. And some don’t even realize they’re the captain; they just let other people control their ship.

It’s good to know where our ship is heading…but sometimes we just get lost. We take a path, move towards it…and the middle of it, we start to lose our vision, we started to wonder if the choice was right, our ship just dangling in the middle of nowhere. We lost the sense of time and direction. At this time, the sea hit the hardest. It pushes us everywhere. We struggled just to keep our ship from being shattered to eternity, buried in the unnamed graveyard in the darkest abyss where loser captains reside.

Take control of your ship. Get some idea of your whereabouts. Plan a new journey. There’s nothing worse than losing the motivation to move on. There’s no Jack Sparrow. It’s just you, your ship and the open sea.

Make yourself clear of what you were doing. You might go the wrong way, but, hey, what the heck, there’s always detour. At least you’re heading somewhere.

Sole's list of anything: 1 + 1 equals millions

Alright...so the economy might be down right now...but to this people, they are still counting millions. What I'm talking about is this Hollywood's couples...they are the ones who've made it last year. Here's the Top Five of the highest earning couples last year:

No 5: Brangelina (34 million USD)


Although they ended up at No. 5, this couples is said to be one of the most influential in Hollywood right now. Both of them were busy churning out movies last year; Jolie with Beowulf and A Mighty Heart, while her hunk Pitt in front of the camera with Oceans 13, The Assassination of Jesse James, and behind it with The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, A Mighty Heart and Tree of Life.


No 4: Tim McGraw and Faith Hill (35 Million USD)


Country music do make us rich; in this case, it's true to McGraw and Hill. Most of their income comes from their music activities, with their Soul-2-Soul concert tour provide them the big bucks. McGraw also had it from the double platinum album, Let It Go. Hill also recorded another album entitled The Hits, and also the theme song for the NFL Sunday Night Football.


No 3: David and Victoria Beckham (58 Million USD)


Beck's share was 50 millions, with his Los Angeles Galaxy salary of 5.5 million, he get more than double of it when the merchandising and sponsorship were counted in. There are also the lucrative endorsement deals with companies such as Motorola, Adidas, and Pepsi Co., which bring another 35 millions to his bank account. His wife, better known as Posh, top it up with another 8 millions with the Spice Girl's Reunion Tour and product lines.


No 2: Will and Jada Pinkett Smith (85 Million USD)


Well, any movie starring Will Smith has a high chance to rake in millions. He's one of the most bankable stars. Together, the movies he stars in last year; I Am Legend, The Pursuit of Happyness and Hancock, banked in 1.2 billion worldwide, which make him some 80 million richer. Jada pulled in another 5 million with her role in The Women and The Human Contract.
A lone survivor + a single father + a dazed superhero= 80 million. Not bad, uh?


No 1: Shawn Carter (Jay-Z) and Beyonce Knowles (162 Million USD)


82 million hip-hop brand plus 80 million R&B empire...then we got the No 1 in our list. He signed a 150 million contract with concert promoter Live Nation and releasing comeback CD, American Gangster. She raked in another 80 million in an entertainment empire spanning fashion, film and publishing deals, plus the 50 million concert tour, together with endorsement deals with L'Oréal, Direct TV and American Express, among others.

...so long two double zero eight

mm...how to start. 2008 had passed...i felt this year is so short. i can still remember 25th december 2007 when i came back to UPM for my practical training...my training was at MPOB's HQ to be exact.

and then somewhere in may 2008 i found myself at home again...traveled here and there quite a bit...i think late july or early august i got SMS from my friend of a vacancy to be Research Assistant back at my beloved faculty (duh). that time i remember hanging out with my buddy Pian at Sara Thai Tomyam Seafood Kuantan...we discussed quite a bit about it and since i'm doing nothing and quite worried of my growing tummies, i chose to accept that...

time: late august
place: somewhere in Serdang
situation: a nervous young man who just finished his degree (about 3 months already) about to be interviewed by a professor in one of institusi pengajian tinggi awam (IPTA)

it's not really an interview anyway..she didn't even look at my resume. and i don't even remember what the heck we talk about at that time. so anyway i got the job, rent a room in university's college (duh,again) and started looking forward to slim down my tummies...not really a problem anyway, since not long after that is fasting season...

then i raya a bit...i quite enjoyed it this year since i can give my anak-anak buah some angpow heh not much anyway. then back to work...somewhere around october, my convocation. quite messy time for me. OK only a few knew what i'm talking about...how we struggled hehe kinda remind me of our batch dinner...hm...my convo...not absolute fun. just a testament that we had finished the ride of campus life.

then i hu-ha again with my job...time flies when we're busy. or chasing datelines.

then in 25 december 2008, while i was enjoying my holiday, it kinda struck me that a year had passed. it's been quite a ride...and a slide show of 'what happened throughout the year in sole's life' started to play in my head...

so what 2008 left me, and what do i expect in 2009? well...the biggest milestone in 2008 is...2 of my batch mate already resigned from bachelorhood...haha. kidding. it is i finished my studies...and welcomed to the real world (or so they said).

and 2009?
it still kinda blurry for me...lots of hope and endless expectation. but i think i see the big picture...
anyway, this year will ROCK!!!
;)

Jonas Brothers - Love Bug lyric

Called you for the first time yesterday
Finally found the missing part of me
Felt so close but you were far away
Left me without anything to say

Now I’m speechless
Over the edge and just breathless
I never thought that I’d catch this
Love bug again
Hopeless head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I’d get hit
With this love bug again

I can’t get your smile out of my mind
I think bout your eyes all the time
Beautiful but you don’t even try
Modesty is just so hard to find

Now I’m speechless
Over the edge and just breathless
I never thought that I’d catch this
Love bug again
Hopeless, head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I’d get hit
With this love bug again

Kissed her for the first time yesterday
Everything I wished that it would be
Suddenly I forgot how to speak
Hopeless, breathless, baby can’t you see

Now I’m…
(Guitar solo!)

Yahow!!!

Now I’m speechless!
Over the edge and just breathless!
I never thought that I’d catch this!
Love bug again!
Now I’m hopeless, head over heels in the moment!
I never thought that I’d get hit!
With this love bug again!
Ohh oho

Love bug again

Jonas Brothers - Love Bug

Haha i never thought that i can put this song here...not that i have anything against the Jonas Brothers...it's just that they are so...like,u know,very sugar-coated pop sensation right now. But don't care lah, as long as it caught my attention, I'll put it here.

Anyway, in my opinion, musically they are going to produce as much hits as they can right now...the record company surely want to squeeze them until the last drop of cents. Compared to previous hits like "When You Look Me In The Eyes" or "Burning Up", I think this single is worth mentioning.